It's snowing!!

I am so excited! It is snowing! It has some ice mixed in with it, which could be good and bad. Depending on the type of snow, when you mix in a little ice, that makes it fun for sledding. But it makes it terrible for driving...for those people that actually drive in it. that is the job of being a stay at home mom. I don't have to go out if I don't want to. How nice, huh?

Stupid me, I went to Wal Mart today to get a few groceries, pampers, things like that. Well, uh...am I dumb or what? They are calling for snow, and I go to a store? Yeah, I'm dumb. Thank God I didn't have my kids with me, or they would have been roasted and eaten. I have NEVER seen the store so packed in all my life. (Granted I usually don't go out when they call for snow, but you just can't go without pampers) I think my toes were run over about a dozen times, by people fearing they might not get that last loaf of bread...what gives?? Do you people really not have ANYTHING you could eat on if it snows?? But I made it out alive.

I have nothing really to post today, and I have to fix dinner. Homemade soup and bread it is, that is our usual "snow day" meal. So I'm off. Maybe I'll post some more later if anything comes to mind.

Backlogged idiots...

Ugghhh! What is up with Pregnancy Weekly's forums?? The one day that I can get online while the kids are sleeping, and they are having "internal problems". That figures. I just wish they could get it together and keep it that way. And to top it off, my snuggle pie ticker is having problems too. Freggin' technology.

Today has been b-u-s-y. This morning, Chandler's teacher came for a home visit. She does that every other week so I can stay up on what all is going on in the classroom. All is well in the classroom, thank goodness. Other than the occasional biting of anything in sight, he is great. And he seems to be having a possessiveness problem (is that even a word?)with the teacher's aide. He seems to like her and want her to himself.

Gracie will be starting speech therapy in a few months. Here's my dilemma: she turned two in November, and she still only has about 20 words that she can say. And those words are not real clear. So with Chandler having his problem, I am a bit of a worry wart thinking anything could be wrong with her. So I spoke with Chandler's teacher and she recommended therapy. And even if it turns out to be no problem for her, I guess then we can stop it. Maybe she just needs that extra push into talking. Since she doesn't hear Chandler talking and he seems to get everything he wants, then she figures, hey what's good for the goose...right? So hopefully, this will work for her. And the therapist is the same lady that Chandler see's and I just love her. She is great with kids. So I will keep updating as things progress.

That is it for me now. I have to get some cleaning done while the kids are sleeping. My house looks like....well, it looks like I have kids!

I think I missed the ovulation train...

As you all know, aunt flo showed up late last month. I really thought I was going to be pregnant. But after testing with a "clear blue easy read" that isn't so easy to figure out, I got a negative, then the evil witch showed up. So, on to next month. Well, we decided to baby dance every other day until I was sure I had ovulated or I got a positive, or aunt flo. One way or the other we would baby dance till we dropped. Well, the last few days have been exhausting since my two year old has decided to protest against all naps. And to top it off, I can't fall asleep till around 2 each night. Aggghhh!!! Well, to make a long story short, we baby danced the last time on the 25th (which was a full moon, I remember). But then yesterday, I feel like I ovulated. So my question is, what are my chances of being pregnant? I say slim to none, but who knows if I am even ovulating, ya know? It's this big fat guessing game and frankly I am sick of it. So we'll wait and see how things turn out. The two week wait...how fun.

The school finally opened today, two hours late. Chandler was so happy to see the bus this morning. And his teacher said he had a very good day, and only came home with one goose-egg on his head. (That is kind of normal for Chandler) And now that all the ice is gone, they are calling for more to arrive on Sunday. Nice....

My groom shop is doing good. It is pretty slow starting, but I am getting some calls for appointments on occasion, and at the very least it is paying for itself. And I am happy as can be to have something to do. I am keeping my eyes open for any standard poodle breeders in the area, which I know there are none. But I can drive to get one. I am just being picky who the breeder is and the price of the dog. I am getting rid of my beagles. Sad, I know. I bought them to breed them. They served their purpose, and now they have to go. I had to bring Holly in the house, and she is a spiteful little peeing thing. Even if I go to get Chandler off the bus and leave her in the house, she pee's. And since she is a hound, she has to be on a leash all the time, or all the neighbors get a visit form her. They hate that. So, I am giving them both to a guy who hunts with them. He actually has several of the puppies that Holly had. He is an older man that loves dogs and can handle a bunch of them. More power to ya! I can't seem to keep them in my yard, and I can't have them wandering around with the neighbors I have. My Grandad thinks every animal should be tied to a tree. Yeah, well he's 94. He's entitled to think what he wants.

Gracie and I went to visit Daniel and have lunch with him at work today. She loves planes. I have to say, I love them too. I just hate to fly. I will do it if I have to, but it is not something I would do just to pass the time. But thank goodness there are people who do it to pass time, they are what puts food on our table. Keep flying, people!! But it was a nice day.

Nothing new or interesting going on around here. Just an ordinary run of the mill day.

Chandler and Gracie 

My little Beethoven 

I forgot what I wrote....

I have to say this out of pure anger but, PLEASE PEOPLE STOP CALLING ME!!! At least I said please. Okay, I'll explain. I started a blog this morning, early. Just as I was finishing it, the phone rang and it kicked me off line, deleting my blog. I was furious. And of course it was my mother, just calling to talk about her ailments for the day and the gossip of the family (as if I care). So later in the morning, I wrote it all again. I will remind you that I am the type of person that has a very short memory, and I could not think of anything I had written. I got three paragraphs into it, and voila, kicked off again BY MY MOM. Calling this time to complain about a .97 cent charge on her phone bill that should not have been there. By now, I am pissed. So I wait until lunch time to start blogging again, because I know that she will be taking one of her many naps. One and a half paragraphs into it, and geez, I don't even have to say it. Maybe the blog was not meant to be published. But for Pete's sake, she was calling to tell me what was malfunctioning with my sister's furnace. Who cares??!? I'm shaking I'm so mad. So I made a phone call to anyone else who might call me and asked them to call me on the cell if they were dying. Otherwise, don't call !! Whew, I feel better now.

My son is out of school again today. Still icy. I hope they go tomorrow, if they go late it would be better. He has a field trip Thursday that I don't want him to miss. it is his very first field trip ever and I think he will enjoy it. They are going to VDOT ( VA Dept of Transportation) So he will see all the big trucks filling up with salt, etc. Something fun for a kid, I guess. So I am crossing my fingers that he gets to go. Gracie is trying to be Beethoven. She has my keyboard out and is jamming away. I swear I need to get her into music soon. I have never seen a kid with such a love for music. Yes, she is only two, but she has such rhythym and can already carry a pretty good tune. Our whole family is pretty music oriented, so I need to get in gear and start with her. And she can start dance in the spring, which is a definite for her. I call it an energy outlet. But she already loves to dance, and all that stuff little girls do.

When I have my next kid, I want another boy. I always said I wanted little girls, but man are they hard to raise or what?? She is so tempermental, so stubborn, so...well, she's me. And Chandler is so layed back and easy going. I think one little girl to run this house is plenty. Now I will have twin girls, you just watch and see. People always told me that girls are more difficult than boys and I never understood it, until now. Gracie is a mother hen, no two ways about it. She keeps us all in line.

I heard from an old friend last night. I'll call her Indiana. It was so good to hear from her. We met while we were in Germany. So if you read this, here is your reminder to send me pictures of your girls... before graduation. And set that tax money aside and come visit me. I would love to see you. And the kids would play so well together. And the best part is, I have 80 acres for them to run around on.

I am staying away from the Pregnancy Weekly board a little more lately. I am just discouraged. I read a friends blog and she seems to feel the same way. And I know she has been trying to concieve for much longer than I have. It just seems like so many people that visit the board think that getting pregnant happens so easily for everyone. Not so. It gets old. I don't know how the girls that have been there a long time deal with such ignorance. Lesley, I am still thinking of you and hoping you get your BFP. Thank you for all the encouraging words.

Wyoming, I am so happy for you! A zero and 2-3 cm's is great!! That baby will be here before we know it, and I can't wait to see some pictures! I know you must be so happy. It sounds like you may have a very eventful week ahead of you. I am praying for ya!

I can't believe this, but I have had no phone calls this time. I'm posting this thing!

Shiny, Icy and ssslick...

For all of you who watch the weather, or even the national news; It is icy here in Virginia. All week they called for a winter storm, with two days of snow, a "little" ice thrown in about half way, then back to snow. Well, for those of you who know not to believe these weather people, we got about 4 hours of ice, and that was it. It is beautiful, especially when the sun hits it. It looks crystal-like. You wonder why everything can't be so pretty all the time.

I finally mustered up the nerve to take the dog out around lunch time. Poor thing had been crossing her legs all morning. But she waited patiently on me. So I got suited up, (the wind is feirce) got her leash and out we went. The yard was not so bad, until I wanted to cross the driveway to take her to the field(so I don't have a yard full of poopie). Then I realized that this beautiful shiny cover over the ground is not so beautiful. I came close enough to busting my tail as I have ever been. Thank God everyone has their doors and windows closed up tight so no one saw me. My dog weighs only about 15 pounds, so she just tiptoed along, with no problem. But me being a bumbling idiot, well, I didn't grip so well. But we finally made it back inside. Luckily, they have closed the schools for tomorrow. I can see me now trying to roll the wheelchair down the ramp tomorrow. Chandler and I would be up under the bus before we knew it.

It has been pretty quite the last few days. Daniel has been off work, and we have stayed around the house mostly. I'm on cycle day 12 now so we are baby dancing every other day until I ovulate, which is supposed to be Tuesday, but since I went over last month, we'll have to see when I ovulate. Daniel is enjoying it, but it is a chore for me. I have been trying ot catch up on my scrapbooking, also. I am so far behind. And now I am starting a "family" scrapbook, instead of one for each child. I will continue with theirs, but I want one of our family experiences, etc. I have so much I could put into it, that it may turn out to be several books. Isn't it amazing how many experiences you can go through in such a short time? I mean, Daniel and I have been married for 9 years, and I feel like we have been through enough for 25 years. But I love that it has made us who we are today. And to top off my cold weather projects, I am working on the geneology for my maiden name and my married name. I have had a lot of luck with my maiden name. I already had a lot of information on that, to start off with. My married name is another story. I have not found anything at all on that. I wanted to have the family crests for both names made for the cover of our family scrapbook, but I may not be so lucky. So if anyone knows of some good sites to go to, let me know....

I am sending a special prayer, lots of luck, special wishes, big hugs, smiles, oh and wishes for contractions to come on for my very dear friend in Wyoming. I know how you are feeling, knowing that the baby must come soon, and unfortunately s/he has their own schedule of events. I wish for God to smile down on you and grant you the patience to wait and the tolerance for dealing with things that we can't make happen. I love you and thank you for many of your own special wishes for me.

I can finally see it...

My son is 5 1/2, we have had every test known to man run on him, therapies for him weekly, and a loving supportive family for him. He is still disabled. He cannot walk, talk, feed himself, and is pretty much completely dependent. Yesterday, after I got him off the school bus, I got my wake up call.

Let me explain, so far just about everyone in my family has said they see Chandler walking in the future. I am not sure if this is a visual they get or just a hope for the future, but they remind me of it daily. I must admit that I have never had this "insight". I just take everyone's word for it, and go on helping him the best way I know how.

So yesterday, after getting him from his wheelchair, he put his feet down, as if he wanted to take some steps. He can do this, with support. So I let him take his steps and waited patiently for him to crumble in my arms. Well, this time, he didn't get tired and crumble. He let go of one of my fingers and wanted to walk beside me. I contemplated on letting him go completely, and then found myself not able to let go. For fear...I don't know if it was fear that he might walk, fall and get hurt, or fear that I may be taken someplace new and not know how to react. I have to say, we walked for several minutes, in large circles in the living room, waiting for him to tire. Finally, he looked at me as if to say, "now, Mommy" and I caught him. We both slumped to the floor in a pile and I cried, with him to my side, looking into my eyes, waiting patiently on me to get over my emotions. I finally saw it. I could see my baby boy, walking tall. He may need walking sticks, braces and more, but he will do it. I can see it now! Now I still don't know if this is a visual or a dream, I can't say, all I know is that in my heart, it was there. And it was very real. Doctors say he has limited "thinking" I will call it. I won't go into great detail how the hateful, hurtful doctor told me that my son was mentally disabled, but I know right now in this instant that he (that evil doctor) was WRONG. My son thought through every step he took yesterday, he knew when his feet weren't right that he could not do it with minimal support, and he corrected his feet so that he could walk, holding onto his mommy. I stand corrected by my 5 year old that he will walk one day, he will accomplish this, and then we will move on to greater things. Thank you, Chandler. Thank you for teaching me to accept things that I have no control over, for making me understand what it is like to have every single daily task to take every part of your being to accomplish it. Thank you for making me realize that life is not so simple, that you try hard to be part of this world, and you do it well. You are a beautiful being, a godly being, and you have my heart in your hands.

God's Under the bed

I got this email today from a friend of mine, and just have to post it. For those of you with a disabled child, or know someone with a disability, I hope this hits home for you, I know it did me...


God's under the Bed

My brother Kevin thinks God lives under his bed. At least that's what I heard him say one night. He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped outside his closed door to listen. "Are you there, God?" he said. "Where are you? Oh, I see.Under the bed." I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin's unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor. I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in. He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he's 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult. He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas, and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them. I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life? Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, returning to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed. The only variation in the entire scheme are laundry days, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child. He does not seem dissatisfied. He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05 eager for a day of simple work. He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day's laundry chores. And Saturdays- oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That's the day my dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. "That one's goin' to Chi-car-go!" Kevin shouts as he claps his hands. His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights. I don't think Kevin knows anything exists outside his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips. He doesn't know what it means to be discontent. His life is simple. He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. He recognizes no differences in people, treating each person as an equal and a friend. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be. His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it. He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax. He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure. He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue. Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God. Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child. Kevin seems to know God-to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an "educated" person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion. In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith. It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions. It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap-I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances-they all become disabilities when I do not submit them to Christ. Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of the Lord. And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I'll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed. Kevin won't be surprised at all.

Simply beautiful...

The first snow day

Finally, some snow. You know, when it snows, I really don't mind the cold. And this is our first snow of the season. How nice. It is only about an inch, but it is still pretty. And the greatest thing...they didn't cancel school! I am in shock. For some reason, the schools here want to close with the first snowflake that falls. And they are calling for snow showers tomorrow night and this weekend! How exciting! Maybe we'll get a little more, and I can take the kids out in it to play. The best thing we do every year that it snows is we get the kids all bundled up, and hook up a booster seat on a sled for Chandler, since he can't sit up properly, then we set Gracie in front of him, tie a long rope to the sled and hook it to our dalmatian's collar. We walk the dog and he pulls the kids. It is so much fun. I'll have to take pictures and post one soon.

My neice is in the hospital. She is 3 and has pneumonia. She has never had the best of health, she battles with asthma and has been very sick in the past with it. So I am sending out an extra prayer for Cortney that she will get better. As of now, she is on Albuterol (sp?) and she is a wild child. She was like a caged animal last night when I went to visit her.

Today I am on cycle day 8. Daniel and I talked about it, and since we really don't know when I will ovulate this month, we plan to baby dance every other day starting today. Lucky him, huh? I don't temp. and I don't chart anything, I have gone by CM and two months we used ovulation tests. The first month it worked like a charm, told me when I would ovulate, but the next month, it said I didn't ovulate all month. What the ??? So I guess, in the next few months, I need to decide if I want to go see a doctor or not. I will be the first to admit, I am petrified of doctors. yes, even after two kids and kidney stones, etc. I HATE DOCTORS. But I am gonna have to suck it up and go see one. That is, if I don't get pregnant this month.

See, I had it planned that I would have all my children by the time I was 30. Well, since my birthday is August 14th, those of you that can count, I have missed my chance. So, I changed my "life goal" to being pregnant by the time I am 30. I don't know why, I just have this fear of giving birth after that age. Growing up, 30 was like a magic number, once you reach that, your life is over. Well, now at 29, I am wanting to change my views. I was very naive, still am to an extent, but hey, I am willing to bend some. So now if I get pregnant, I will be "big pregnant" in the summer, which I hate. I did that with my daughter, and I was so big feeling, that I just really don't want to do that again. With my son, I was big during the winter and that worked well for me. So my husband and I just bought a time share, and now we will be going on vacation in August, and I may be big. Me pregnant in a bathing suit is awful. Let me just say, I am pretty small framed, a B cup at best. Exactly one month after I get pregnant (with both kids) I swell to a D cup. Now some ladies think that is great, not me. My legs look like stilts, my arms like twigs, my belly like a basketball, and boobs big enough to compete with Dolly. So bathing suits are not my idea of fun while pregnant. Now that all this is off my chest, I am get busy baby dancing.

All in all a good day!

So this is another day that I blog twice. I don't know if that is a treat for those of you who read or a bore. But we'll see. I have stuff on the brain and I have to get it out. My daughter is going through the house confiscating all the candles that I own, and hiding them in her room. She is two, but sometimes I swear she is sixteen. And my son is playing with a paper bag. How fun could that be? He has a sensory integration disorder and he likes feeling and listening to things. Give him a piece of paper and he is set...for a while, until he tries to eat it. So Gracie is in training to be an eagle. She watches over him very closely to make sure nothing goes into his mouth that shouldn't. And of course it is evening, so Daniel is doing homework. Thank God he graduates this spring. Probably just so he can take more classes.

I got an email from my friend in Wyoming tonight of a song being played in the background, with a slideshow of our troops in Iraq. It really made me cry. I think too many people have forgotten that our guys are still there. It was a nice reminder to put them back up top of the prayer list.

I am on my last day of aunt flo. Woo Hoo!! Now to only try and figure out when I ovulate. I honestly thought about going to see a doctor about my fertility issues. That is if insurance will cover it. If not, then I am screwed. It would just be nice to know if I am ovulating. Now that my cycle is messed up, I have no idea what is what. And that sucks. At first, I thought I had a handle on this TTC crap, now I have no clue. I heard people on Pregnancy Weekly discussing cycles that varied, and I kept thinking to myself, how weird is that??? I now know.

Daniel is off this Thursday and Friday, so I have recruited him to stay home with the kids and let me have a day to go shopping. I live an hour from any store, so it takes a day to hit all the stores I want.

I live in the country. Farmville, of all places. I knew I would live here, though. Since I was a kid. My grandparents live here, I spent weeks down here in the summer, playing on the farm, stirring up all kinds of trouble. The one thing that sticks out in my mind is trying to give my Grandma's ducks a bath in her tub, and finally figuring out that when you squeeze a duck, they poop. And they really aren't picky where they poop. Now that I am grown, I realize that the farm is not all fun. It is hard work. And a new thing I have learned now that I am grown, is that when cows choose to knock down the fence and run away, they don't choose sunny, warm days when you are sitting around the house. It is either cold and rainy, or you are late for an appointment. They like it that way. Then they can see the fury in your eyes when you come running at them with a pitch fork. Oh, the joys of farm life.

Brrrr....It's cold

Okay for all those of you that are used to the cold, you are TOUGH. I am not used to it, at least not when it's real cold, so this takes a toll on me. My bones ache, (yes even at 29) and money signs keep rolling through my head every time I hear that heat click on. But, it's that time of year and I love it. The thought of seeing my own breath when I walk outside, that blows me away. And to look over and see my cows in the field, laying down on the cold earth bathing in the sunshine, life amazes me. And then I jump back into reality and thank God that I am not a cow. Because I would be running laps or something to stay warm, rather than laying on the cold ground. Come on guys...GET UP!!!

This weekend was good. Nothing major happened which is okay with me. We got together with my parents and watched two nights of Lord of the Rings, which I am thoroughly impressed with. I kept telling myself how dumb these movies would be, but I was wrong. And that Elf Boy Legolas is a HOTTIE....woo-wee. Can I say hot again??? Hot hot hot hot hot. You wouldn't think that a man with that much makeup and tights would do it for me, but he does. I am literally drooling on my keyboard. And like my husband said, does the man EVER run out of arrows? I say he widdles them in his sleep. He's that good... He can probably even do it while he's having sex. Yep, that good. Wouldn't it be nice to get someone that hot, that well spoken, and talented, and knowledgeable?? Is he smart or what? Yeah, well, I guess if I handed him a paycheck that big, he could probably be all those things for me too. But I can cook...isn't that enough pay ??

My brother leaves today. He is headed off to Tennessee for a trucking school. This is something he has always wanted to do. So it was hard to say good bye. He is the kind of brother that anyone would want. He will do anything for you, no matter what. He is sweet, and very sensitive to everyone. So I wish him luck in his journey. This is the first time he has left home (VA) on his own and it is a big step. I will miss him.

The Dreaded Day

I have been putting off taking down my Christmas tree forever. This is the first year that it has taken me so long, but I just have not felt like it. So this morning, when me and Daniel woke up, we knew it had to be done. And we promised each other that this would be the last year for this tree. Next year we will be off to buy a "pre lit" tree. A long needed, well deserved pre lit tree. My family came for a going away party for my brother the other night and all my sister could talk about was the fact that my tree was still up. I ever so politely kept my mouth shut. She is one who can find any minor fault in anyone and gnaw on it until is bleeds. That's just the way it is.

Daniel has to work again today, so it's another long, lonely day. The good thing is both kids will take their naps most of the time that he works. My kids take long naps. Grace being two, I guess it is normal for her to take a long nap. But with Chandler and his CP, he just works so hard at getting around, and accomplishing daily tasks, he is wiped out by nap time. And on the weekends, he is always extra tired from working so hard during the school week.

I am going to paint my bedroom this week. I painted the family room last weekend, and it tunred out so nice. I am just thrilled with it. I painted it in a textured paint, so it is rough, and it has glitter in it. It is called "granite" for those who are interested. It just kind of brings the outdoors in, since we love the outdoors so much. I am painting the bedroom in a tan color. Just something other than white. White was great when we bought the house, it was so clean and fresh, but now it is just getting old. A little color brings such warmth and such life into a room. I painted the kids rooms a long time ago, and was exhausted form doing that. I did my daughters room in pale yellow and periwinkle stripes. That took forever. My sons is navy blue with bright orange trim. He needed a more cozy look, since he gets over stimulated so easily.

Last night, my parents came down and we watched the second Lord of The Rings movie. I know I am a litle late in seeing it, but I am just happy to finally see it. It was an excellent movie. Tonight we are going to watch the third and final movie. And since it is rare that we get to spend time with my Dad, we are happy to get two nights with him in a row! We always eat way too much junk food when we watch movies. That comes from my side of the family. My husband is not a major junk food eater, but for some reason every evening, growing up, when we watched TV, we always had snacks. So last night, we had two bags of Doritos, Cheese Puffs for the kids, apples and caramel dip, and a hot cup of coffee. Mmmmm......

Okay, it has been so long since I wrote anything. I feel like I have abandoned this blog. Well, I have. I got frustrated with it, I don't really know how to do much of anything with it, and it is not going well. Pictures are everywhere, I can't find a template I like and I have so much going on in life, I never get a sit down at the computer. So, this is my goal. I will conquer this thing. I will do it well, and it will not beat me. Now I just need to meet someone who knows about blogging and hook me up with some pointers.

So, today is Saturday and Daniel had to go to school to take an exam, then he had to work. And he works tomorrow also. It sucks. No one should have to work on the weekends. But planes fly and they expect him to be there.

I am so excited. The Pregnancy Weekly TTC board is back up and running. It has been forever that they were "working" on it. But it is back. I didn't like it at first, but I am growing accustomed to it. I love being able to go there and read about everyones trials. The fact that we are all trying to get pregnant and we are all struggling with it gives me some hope. I see people come and go, so I know it is possible. I just have to wait my turn, I guess. I really thought I was pregnant this month. I was 3 days late. LATE...that is the best feeling. Until you take that nasty pregnancy test and it says "no, stupid....not this time". I wish I could count how many times I have hit the floor crying, then thrown the test across the room, and wailed like a baby into the phone to my husband that this is not our month. I guess I had not really thought a lot about it, but I was counting the other day in my head. I have been trying to get pregnant for almost ten months!! It's insane! But I keep trying. And for me, good things come in 3 year spans. I got married three years after I met him, we had Chandler three years later, we had Grace three years later, and guess what? She is 2 now!! So maybe God will smile down on me soon.

My friend is pregnant, she lives in Wyoming. She is due in 3 weeks. I know how exciting it must be for her. We carried both of our first two children at about the same time. It is neat to be pregnant at the same time as your best friend. We were neighbors then, a LONG time ago in Germany. She was the first person I met and she took me under her wing and made me realize that leaving America was not the end of the world. And I did fine! I love her with all my heart. She is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. One day we will get to see each other again. I can not wait for that day.

So for my cycle, I am on CD 4 of anywhere from 28 to 31. I have no idea to find out when I ovulate this month, since I am off schedule. Maybe that is what I needed. Maybe I needed something to throw a wrench into my "routine" and get me out of this fog, so I can just have spontaneous sex, instead of the "it's time, Dear" sex. Could this be our month?.....

My family 

Christmas 2004 

This is my man and our sweet baby girl.