I'm still in a mood...

I guess tonight, I will be taking Lesley's words of advice and I am going to order myself a pizza, drink myself something strong enough just to get a good buzz on, and then watch myself some sappy movies that would make my husband want to vomit. I know I said I would cut his hair tonight, but what's one more day? I am in no mood to cut his hair anyway.

My Mom, get this, has never pumped gas in her life. EVER. She has always told us as we were growing up that it is not a womans place to pump gas...whatever. Back here in reality, I pump my own gas for my own van. So she has the nerve to call me this morning ( in the midst of our not speaking to each other) and say that she needs to go pick up Joshie dearest (my little punk brother) and she is almost out of gas....here's comes the favor. Can you go pump my gas for me while I watch the kids for you? Okay, so you are too good to pump gas, but your pathetic excuse for a daughter can pump your gas??? Oh I was furious. But rather than fight with her, I accept her job offer and go pump gas and come back unhamed, unashamed and very proud that I am WOMAN enough to pump my own GAS. ROOOAAARRRRR, (banging fists on chest) in case you have not picked up on my tone so far, I am REALLY IN A MOOD.

I have decided, you know what's worse than Aunt Flo showing up? Day 2 of Aunt Flo. Day one she is just working herself into my schedule, day 2 she is here for the long haul. And it is B-A-D
bad, bad. But by day 3, the hormones are in check, acne at bay, and my mood hopefully will be a lot better. I know that I am blaming my period for a lot of my mood, which it is not completely the reason. I am going through one of the toughest times of my life right now, I cannot even write about it. I know that it is driving me into a depression that I don't even want to recognize. I am eating non-stop, crying non-stop and I have no faith in anything at this point. I'm struggling to keep my sanity, to keep it together, and to stay afloat. Everything I ever had with my family, is gone. I feel so betrayed, I may not ever come out of this.

Okay so it is now Tuesday night and I am just finishing this post, but I had to stop or else I was headed somewhere I didn't want to be. As of now, I am LOADED. I read that Lesley said to eat pizza and drink, so I did so. And it really only takes very little for me to get drunk off of. But, I feel no pain. And I am going to bed. Now, at approximately 9 pm. What a dork. But the room is spinning too much for me right now. Nighty night.

In a funk...

So I am going about my daily business, laundry, cleaning, chasing after the kids when guess who knocks? Aunt Flo has arrived. Without a freggin invitation! And to top it all off, she shows on cycle day 22!!! What is that all about? Oh well, she's here. Lets just get it over with. It has rained so hard today I think we are just going to wash away. Oh well, it suits my mood.

I'm sitting here typing this knowing full well that I should be preparing dinner, or finishing the laundry, or doing anything more productive, but it's not like the work won't be here when I am done. And thanks to the rain, the satellite is now out, so I can't even watch Jeff Corwin. So go ahead and laugh, I think he's cute. And not to mention that we share a special love for animals. He just happens to like the creepy ones. He reminds me of a friend that I had in high school, his looks, they are just identical! Weird.

Anyway, Easter was...weird. We went to my Moms, and there was SO much tension. I didn't have much to say, nor did she. She did however pick up on the tension between she and my husband and went to him crying and hugged him to get things straight, but never a word to me. And it was quite obvious that the rest of the family picked up on the problem between us. Oh well. I'm tired of pretending that I have no feelings and that anyone can do anything to me and it just rolls right off. I wish I were that tough, but I am not. So, with that said, Easter was way weird.

I kind of wish that I was in a better mood today. It's not fair that this is Chandlers first day of spring break and I'm in this funk. From the way it looks on PW, I'm not the only one that feels bitchy. But as much as I hate to say, I feel like we are entitled to feel bitchy on occasion. I love Ally's blog today. It so suited my mood. It's as if we are just put take care of people. Yes, I love my family, but whatever happened to people taking some responsibility and helping out? I get tired of cooking, and cleaning and doing laundry. I know Daniel gets tired of working every day, but he has 8 hours, then he puts his feet up. I go from when I get out of bed in the morning till when I go to bed at night. I'm not saying I don't take breaks, because I do, but keeping a house going and a husband and two kids going is not easy. You may as well say I have three kids. They are all very dependant on me. I have always said I like to take care of people, I like to be a nurturer. But I like to take care of people who TRY to take care of themselves. Oh well, I could ramble about this for the next week.

I had to rearrange the furniture in Chandlers room this evening. Now since he can walk around on his knees everywhere, he is getting so tall and he is very top-heavy. And he loves windows. He loves to go and bang on them, lean on them, bang his head on them, you name it. So, in fear that one of these days he will be strong enough to break the glass, we had to move his furniture around so that the window is not accesible anymore. I love the light that it lets in, but his safety is number 1. We hung some stuff from the ceiling to help get his mind off of the change so much. He gets really stressed out with change. Hopefully, he will wake up in the morning and like the change. Or else it could be a long day...

I hope everyone's week is good, and hopefully I will be able to post a more cheery message tomorrow. Who knows, maybe this is "my month" to get pregnant and I will have that first baby of the year...right-o. I can picture it now, first baby of the year's picture in the "Farmville Herald" the newspaper that is only published twice a week in this podunk town. Nice. Hey, I guess I should be greatful that we have a paper.

As my good friend Tigger would say....TTFN!

Coloring Easter eggs! 

Chandler decorating eggs.

The artist. 

Coloring Easter eggs! 

Happy Easter!

I am hoping that each and every one of you has a wonderful Easter, and gets lots of chocolates, and don't gain a pound! We opted out of candy this year, except for a little that my Mom and I made for the kids. So instead of candy, I bought little debbie's, and some healthy things. My kids have enough energy without sugar. And Chandler does not do well with chocolate, so hopefully it will be a good alternative.

The weather is nasty. It is cool and rainy, and yucky. So much for playing outdoors. I still have no idea if I am going to my Moms for Easter. We had a bit of a "falling out" today and it has gotten pretty bad. I know this is not the time to be fighting with your parents right here at Easter, but I have been hurt so bad today that I don't know if I will ever get over it. I am not going into the what's and why's. I don't think I can without breaking down and crying again, and my head can't take nay more crying right now. It feels like it is going to explode as it is.

On the TTC front, I am on CD20. Fertility Friend said a few days ago that I had ovulated on Monday, then the next day it changed it and said I did not ovulate. Hmmm.......? Oh well, we'll figure it out sometime.

Have a great weekend everyone!

I'm finally updating

It has been a while since I have even been online, for time enough to do anything. I try to read blogs, and lurk on PW for a while, only to be torn from the computer to take care of kids. Let's see, where do I begin? Both kids are sick again. They both got a nasty case of diarrhea a couple of weeks ago. I can handle it for a few weeks, then it's off to the doctor. But to back up befor ethe doctor visit. On Sunday, Gracie woke up and threw up. So we felt her and her fever was at 102.6. Gave her med's and she went right back to sleep after her bath. Then Da iel woke her up rom her nap and yelled for me to come look at her. She had these welts all over her arms and fronts of her legs and the backs of her legs looked sunburnt. And she was itching like crazy. Lucky for us, my parents were having compnay over and the guy is a doctor. So I called him and asked him to take a look at her before we rush off to the ER on a Sunday afternoon. She was acting fie, other than itching, so he said just take her to the doctor Monday. We waited it out all night, and the spots only grewa and spread over just about her whole body. I'm not talking like chicken pox, I am talking nickel to quarter size swollen welts. So Monday morning, they both still had the diarrhea, and Gracie's spots has gone away during the night. I was still going to call the doctor about the poopie problem. First thing Monday morning, her spots came back slowly but surely. So I got them in at 10:15 to see the doctor. It tunrs out that Grcaie is having an allergic reaction to who knows what, she has an ear infection in her left ear, that is causing the fever, that is causing the diarrhea. Which in turn led to increased heart rate which led to quick breathing, which led to more breathing treatments which led to a terribly behaved little girl. Chandler has the same old problem he always gets. He has no good bacteria so they put him back on the "good bacteria" medicine and it should be fixed in a few days. Then after that appt, we went to his other doctor who is the developmental pediatrician. She is setting us up with aquatics therapy during the summer!! He loves the water and I think it would be a great opportunity to get in some physical therapy while he is in the water. She also recommended we have him tested for a wheat allergy, that could be the cause of all this recurring diarrhea. So off we went to the lab to get blood drawn. he was such a little man and did so well for it.

After all this, I am coming down with yet another cold, which this time I feel for sure is allergies. So I will get to go see the doctor and get some more meds for allergies. Yay.

So for those of you who are actually still reading after all the grossly mentioned stuff, you are a real trooper. Thanks for stopping by.

A TTC note, I am on CD 16 and waiting to O any day now...if my body wants to. I am totally in the swing of getting up at 6:10 am every morning, sticking the thermometer in my mouth then going stright back to sleep. No problem at all anymore.

The weather is gorgeous here today but suppose to rain tonight. I hope we have a nice Easter so the kids can get outside and look for eggs but we'll see. Any big plans for Easter out there? My Mom has hinted that she is making a big dinner for anyone who wants to stop by for the day, but has yet to invite me...so like her. She has a knack for inviting the poor "I don't want to keep a job" siblings of mine, but for those of us who can keep jobs and pay our bills, and have stable lives, we are usually excluded from most things like that. Sorry, just venting.

I hope everyone is good, and staying well. Take care!

I should be sleeping...

I know I should be taking advantage of this quiet time and go to bed, but I need to blog. This rotten cold that I have had forever has officially turned into a sinus infection. My head feels like someone took a hammer to it during the night last night. And I so love sinus infections...there isn't anything much worse than one.

I have not been on much lately, between feeling sick and Gracie taking up most of my time, my days are full. And the puppy training is still in full swing. I guess I had forgotten how time consuming that can be.

Chandler's walking is still going real well. He still has good days and bad. And of course, he can't walk any at all without his braces, but that's what we got them for. He is still so proud of himself. And even at 2, Gracie seems to know what is going on and she seems to be just as proud of him as we are.

It is supposed to snow in the morning. Daniel was awfully nice this morning and took my morning to put Chandler on the bus, since I am not feeling good. Hopefully he will tomorrow also. It is terrible getting up at 6 and going out in the cold when you are already freezing to death. I'm such a baby when I'm sick.

On the TTC front, I am on CD 9 and just waiting to ovulate...if that day ever comes. The charting is okay, not much change. I take my temp every morning, and that minute or so that it takes seems to be an eternity. But I guess it will be worth it in the long run. I really need to get myself an alarm clock. Right now I am using my cell phone. Daniel has an alarm, but he keeps it set for when he has to get up for work. Anyway, the cell phone has no volume on the alarm...and let me tell you, I nearly hit the ceiling when the thing goes off. It's probably so startling that it's making my temp rise and get my chart all screwed up. I have always said there is nothing worse than being woke up by an alarm clock. It's enough to stop my heart.

Daniel is on spring break from school this week, but of course has been doing homework all night. He is way to dedicated. Reason #1 why I don't go to college. I have no motivation, no dedication, no drive, no nothing. I'll be so happy when he graduates in May.

I was just starting to panic that my groom shop had completely stopped business this month, when just today I got 3 phone calls. I have 3 grooms this weekend, two consultations next week and a groom on the 28th. Whew, enough to pay the bill. Nice. My advertisement (Pampered Paws) in the newspaper this week was put in a really good location, and that may help a lot. Okay, so it is not the greatest and most extravagant ad you may have ever seen, but for this town that's all you need. Anything more than that, and you exceed their attention span.

Lesley, I am glad to see you back online. I know how a "break" sometime's is much needed. Wyoming, I hope you have a safe and fun trip this week. Roanoke, I hope you are doing okay. I tried emailing you the other day and it got sent back...are you okay? Or did you just finally quit that hell hole? I miss you and I hope the pregnancy is going well. And Indiana, geez, I miss talking to you. I need to catch up...it's been too long. Everyone else, take care and have a great week.

It's finally Friday

This has been an extremely long week for me. It just doesn't want to end. Having two puppies to house train is not making it any easier. I've decided to take everyone's advice and start charting my temp's to help me get pregnant. So far, I have no idea what I am doing. I started charting on Wednesday the 9th. I'm using Fertility Friend, but I also printed out some charts to leave on my night stand...well, the first morning, my temp was so low, there was not even a place for it on the paper....I was wondering if I needed to check myself for a heart beat. So I just started writing down my temps until I can get on the computer after the kids are up. I'm gonna have to do some reseacrh or buy a book and learn about it, because so far it is all a foreign language to me. The hardest part is getting up at 6 am even when I don't have to. I'm a late sleeper so it is very hard on me.

I've been doing a lot of thinking today, which is usually not very good for me. And of course I am watching TLC's "A Baby Story" which is making it worse. I keep wondering if I am the only one who has their entire "baby future" planned out. I know with my first two kids, it went real well. All except for the morning sickness. We won't even get into that. But I mean, seriously, I have all of my pregnancy planned out. The first two times I had baby showers thrown for me, which was very nice, I loved them both. But after two, are you even supposed to get a baby shower? So to make it fair, and fun, I want to throw a "family shower". Something where the men and children are included also. It's always been just the women, and frankly, the women in my own family don't really get along. It's much nicer and more pleasant with the men around. They seem to keep us on a tight leash at family gatherings. But I want to be able to prepare the foods, and decorate in the theme that I want, and include all the children with games and fun. It's only fair since this will be our last child....(of course I said that with the first and the second child). I think I am sticking to my guns on this one. This TTC is really getting to me, it's making me wonder if God truly wants me to have another child, or if he is sparing me from something. I have no idea what the reason is, but my mind does wonder. Just thinking of all the heartache and pain each negative test has brought on, and all the stress being brought into our marriage, I think this will have to be the last one. Anyway, back to he plans. Both of my first children were natural. I want the third to be natural also, but I want to have a midwife. Now I don't know if that is possible now since Chandler has CP, but we'll have to wait it out and see. It shouldn't make me high risk, since it wasn't caused at birth. And I want more people to be included in my pregnancy. My first one was while we were in Germany and the only person really included was Wyoming..she lived in my apartment building and turned into the greatest friend that ever could be. And I really had big plans for my 2nd pregnancy to include more people, but then when I got so sick...AGAIN, I tend to go into a shell for those months and then once the sickness ends, I am like a mouse feeling that everyone has done fine without me for those months, why do they need me now? I know this may sound crazy, okay, it IS crazy, but it's me. But am I really the only one in the world that feels this way? And for those of you who don't know me all that well, when I say morning sickness, I don't mean I get out of bed, puke then go on with my day. I mean, sickness, all day long, everyday for months and months. It really does something to your frame of mind. I become depressed, and worrisome that it may be hurting my baby. Why does God make me go through it? What if I can't even keep water down? Then it's off to the hospital for IV's usually once a week, sometimes more. But I feel like if I am willing and ready to go through this again, why can't I get pregnant? I'm willing to sacrifice sanity for several months, lose weight, puke until there is nothing left of me, and it still won't happen! And of course there is the ever so slight ticking of that damn clock in my head...you know, the one that goes tick tock...tick tock...tick tock...you aren't...tick tock...getting any...tick tock.... younger, Heather!tick...

Before I drive myself insane, I need to change the topic. Our cows got out this morning. Yay, I got to go fix the fence since there are never any men around here. Of course the whole time I was mending the fence I have my (over-opinionated) Mom and Grandfather over my shoulder telling me what I am doing wrong, and how to do it their way. So we are thinking about selling our youngest cow and putting another one in the freezer.

The PW sight is so slow lately, and it only gets worse on the weekends...grrrr....maybe Daniel and I can drive to a mall or something. Anything to get me out of the house. I hope everyone has a great weekend!

PLEASE READ:

Just to show you what society is spewing from their mouths....this is complete and total ignorance. I feel the newspaper itself should be ashamed of what they have published.

I'm only writing about this, because it is very dear to my heart. I know everyone has their opinions, but sometimes, you should just keep your mouth shut. I am appalled at the way some people just say what they think without thinking about the lives they are affecting. So if it strikes the same nerve it did me, then go ahead and reply to the idiot. I sure did, and man did I open up on her. And to think that someone's tax dollars were wasted on her. She needs to be bitch slapped.

Feeling kind of poopy....

I am feeling kind of poopy lately. I don't know exactly why, but I am. I got AF on what should have been CD 25...I have no idea why she decided to show her ugly face so early. But that has set me in this mood. I guess we will soon be starting the whole charting thing...and I hate the thought of it, but I guess I don't have much of a choice if I want a baby before I am forty.

We got another poodle puppy. This one is only 3 months, and a girl. She is so cute, and has lots of personality. I have been very busy grooming both dogs now. So now I am trying to potty train two dogs instead of one. Mraley on the other hand is really coming around. He is still a little skittish of us, but he is doing much better. We let Gracie name the girl puppy, and I guess when you ask a two year old, you should expect anything. So, the puppy's name is Jo Jo. (Her favorite TV program is Jo Jo's Circus)

Chandler is still doing really well with his walking. He seems to get stronger and stronger with it every day. And he seems to know what he is doing. he smiles so big when he reaches his goals. And I just can't get enough of watching him walk. He is now 3'7" tall, so with that height and just now learning to walk, he is VERY top heavy. And he falls quite often, and he cannot catch himself when he falls, but we expected that.

I am still holding on to this cold. It's an all out sinus infection now that just won't go away. But I am dealing with it a lot better.

Last night I took my Mom to a "Stampin' Up" party. it was pretty neat. I had never been to one. Of course I didn't buy anything, I am so cheap. But I got to make two cards for free. So, Wyoming....be expecting some cards.

I'm going to a dress sale this weekend with my Mom. They come to town twice a year. It's this huge warehouse that fills up with dresses for girls and they are dirt cheap. So I buy dresses for Gracie twice a year and she is good to go. I usually spend about a hundred dollars and have dresses for the rest of the year. You really can't beat it. So I am anxious about going on Saturday.

That is all that is going on around here. Still waiting on spring to get here, but as of right now, she is nowhere in sight. I hope everyone is well. I'm sorry I have been slacking on the emails lately. I have no good excuse. I miss you all, though!

My Son!!!

I have been meaning to blog for a few days, but have not had the chance to. I can't keep up with my days. Anyway, as you may know, my son is 5 1/2 with cerebral palsy. the doctors of course gave us the whole run down that he may never walk, etc. You know the whole kick in the teeth speech. Well......I can now say that my son has just learned how to walk!! I cannot express my feelings, there are no words to describe it. Now I am not talking he can go to mall and walk around, but he can now walk approximately half way across the room, all by himself. It happened on the day that we took him to the neurologist. We took him out to his favorite place to eat (as far as we can tell) for being so good for the doctor. He gobbled his food down and we left and we decided to let him walk between us in the parking lot. I had to let go to open the van door, and my husband said, " I think I'm gonna let go now"....as I gasped for him not to let go, my son started walking. At that time he took 3 steps. I tried to see my husbands reaction, and he seemed to be tearing up also. This is a moment we have been waiting for, for what seems like forever! I just had to share my good news. I really should take some pictures and post them.

Marley the poodle...

As you can see, I finally got my dog. He's ten months old, which we thought would be a plus since he is not at that chewy, peeing and pooping stage all the time now. Turns out he is scared to death of us, and every move we make. He's obviously not been socialized at all, and that worries me. We just sank a load of money into a dog that seems to despise us. But, I got him groomed today which took 4+ hours and I am still not done. I'm taking a break and will get back at it tomorrow. And to top it off, he has not gone to the bathroom in almost 24 hours, so that should be fun once he decides to go. It'll be the flood of 2005. Hopefully, not in the house. I understand that he is scared and that he is in a competely new environment and doesn't know any of us, but geez, come on and pee already! My luck, I will end up at the vet with them having to empty his bladder for him. ahhh....the joys of being a pet owner. Other than that, he is beautiful! he's HUGE, too. I had no idea he would be that big. He's about 60 pounds and 28" at the shoulders. And he could still grow!

Tomorrow, we are going to Charlottesville to the University of Virginia to see a new pediatric neurologist for Chandler. I hope it goes well. It is just a normal check up, but you never know with a new doctor. We'll see! We are at the point where we have chosen not to do anymore testing. There are no miracle cures for him, and there is no point in poking and prodding my son just to "see what we can find out". It isn't fair to him. Now if something was to change in the future that they think his diagnosis is wrong, or there is something they can do for him, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Until then, we take it one day at a time.

I am finally starting to get over my cold. It still wants to hang on for some reason. I am not sick feeling anymore, but the congestion is still awful. And Chandler seems to be getting over his just about completely. I kept him out of school today just in case. Monday and Tuesday they were out of school for snow. Yes, we got snow!! About 6 inches, too! It sucks that no one could play in it, but it was beautiful. But I am just about ready for spring to get here. Since we can't enjoy the winter due to all our sicknesses, then bring on spring! I could use getting out in the yard and working in the flower beds. Lesley, you made me jealous saying you had been working with your roses. The only bad about spring, is allergies....sheesh, cut me a break already!

I should go and get everyone's baths taken care of. Tomorrow will be a busy day.

Marley after his groom..he's got eyes!! 

Meet Marley! Before his groom...