Peace and Tranquility

I am sitting here wondering if my daughter has really gone to sleep in her bed or if she is just silently waiting on me to come and check on her. It is supposed to be nap time. The house is so quiet, so peaceful, and warm. God knows I could go for nap time. The weather is just absolutely disgusting. Well, most people like it, but I am so frustrated with it. It is almost Christmas, and it should be cold and snowy, but instead it is warm and sunny. I complain about this every year. My friend in Wyoming always has snow by Halloween, but we didn't even need jackets to trick or treat. I want to have a white Christmas. I know I live in the wrong state to want all of this, but can't I catch a break? Virginia is not that far south.

I am still trying to decorate my house for Chritmas. It is taking way too long. I got the outside done, and now I am working on the inside. The tree took forever to get set up. And then the lights...oh my God. Next year I think I will just break down and buy a pre-lit tree. They are well worth it. I still have not started my Chritmas shopping. I don't know what I am waiting on, but maybe there is some glimmer of hope that someone will just go and buy everything I need and leave it on my doorstep. What are the chances??

Writing My Life Away

Yes, this is two in one day. It is a slow, boring day and my kids are taking wonderfully long naps. I have so much in my head that it gets hard to write it all down. It is spinning around in my head and my hands cannot keep up.

This is the time of month that me and my husband TTC. For those of you on the board that know what that means, I am happy to see you are visiting. TTC means trying to conceive. Yes, we are. No, my family has no idea. It is our little secret. I feel like everyone would think we are crazy for doing this given our situation with my son. A lot of people have told us we should not have more children. We ignored it and had a beautiful, healthy baby girl two years and one day ago. She is perfect. No health problems what so ever. Anyway, so we time this, we have it down to the exact day, and still can't seem to get pregnant. I am so frustrated. I am so discouraged, so hurt, tired, mad, confused, and down right pissed. I think that pretty much describes it. I just can't believe that getting pregnant with my first two was so darn simple, and this is like the impossible task. And I hate that. I hate that it has become a "task". It's like a chore, hey we have to do this NOW!! Let's go!! It is annoying. And this time of year is when you would love to be pregnant so everyone can dote on it. Yes, that is selfish, but every woman loves it, admit it.

We have spent a fortune on tests. Pregnancy tests & ovulation tests. I can not believe how much money we go through in hopes that this might be the month. It sucks. But this could be the month. See, there I go again. For those of you that do not know the pain of TTC or those people out there that claim to get pregnant if their husband so much as sneezes on them, you suck. I mean it. Good for you, but you suck. No offense, though. It bothers me that this task has totally consumed me for months now. Day, night, dreams, every minute of every day, my mind is on the baby that I could have. Granted , I do have my hands full with the children I do have, but I loves babies, I love to hold them, the smell, the sounds, I love every bit of it. And I know a third child will have to be my last, but I think that is why I want it so badly. I want it to be final. I want the third to be the child that I close out this chapter of my life with. The one who takes me from being a woman of conceiving age to a Mom. No more TTC, just a Mom. One who can be there for her children no matter what. I have made my life a stay at home life for me kids. I wouldn't trade it. To be able to get my son off the school bus in the afternoons, to know that if he gets sick at school, I can be there in no time. They can and will depend on me. I know this is rambling, writing my life away, right? But I have to get these thoughts out. These things stress me out. They get me down. I have to get it off me chest.

Thanksgiving bloat and the day after

I am still trying to get over the holiday. My hands are still trying ot get over the 20 pounds of potatoes that I peeled. It always turns out to be such a busy day with preparations that you barely get to enjoy it, except for that 30-45 minutes that you cram as much food into your stomach as humanly possible. And I usually conquer that with no problem. Then it's the mad rush to get the table cleared and cleaned up, throw away all the things that will stink, and then rush to get out the dessert. My family always waits a while to eat dessert, that way our meal has time to settle into our thighs,a nd then we can add to it, with a huge slice of pumpkin pie and a half gallon of cool whip. You know the cool whip itself could be my dessert. Some of us stick around to play games afterwards, you know those of us that can tolerate each other for longer than a half day. But in the end, everyone looked beautiful, the food was great and the day was a success. Whew! And I have to add that my kids were excellent. Not bragging, because all the kids were good, but my kids seem to take the gold medal with stirring up problems at family get togethers. Mind you that my daughter is 2. The simple task of getting her to use a fork through the whole meal is like climbing Mount Everest.

This morning, I am looking back at it, wondering what exactly happend, wondering where all the food went when I really need some good turkey gravy and rolls. I'm telling you, a pot of coffee, a pot of gravy and 14 rolls and I am set! So healthy, huh?

The day after is always so depressing. My husband always has to go back to work, the kids are always out of school, and the sales are always beginning for the holidays. And I have a DIRTY house. How fair is that? So my weekend will be spent cleaning and keeping the kids entertained and from killing each other. It gets hard, you see, my son goes to school, and my daughter sometimes I swear is the spawn of Satan. So when they get together, they get so rough and rowdy and just can't seem to keep their hands to themselves. It's like peeling the skin off of a grape when they fight. There is no breaking it up. I long for a day that I can relax the day after holidays. Am I crazy? Will that ever happen? Probably not.

Okay, on Tuesday of the week, my husband and I did something very different. We went on a date! I think this was like #3 date since we've had kids. But since our #9 Anniversary is coming up on the 2nd of December, we decided to go for it. The Trans Siberian Orchestra was playing in Richmond and we went to it. Granted we couldn't go out for a nice dinner before hand since our babysitter couldn't get there until last minute but, it was great. I've never been to a better concert. Granted I've only been to country music concerts, which is my music of choice, but this was an excellent concert. For those of you who have not heard them, do it!! They did the original Christmas story form their CD "Christmas Eve and other Stories" but they also did songs from their new CD and many, many others. I was so impressed! These guys can play, and keep playing until you thought they couldn't do it any longer. The night turned out to be great, and we enjoyed our time alone, but we were still happy to come home to our two sleeping angels.

This is Duke. He is 8 years old. And for those of you wondering,yes, he is hyper. He is a Dalmatian and they don't grow out of it. But he's a sweetie.

Thanksgiving Holiday

Did you know that Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays? Yeah, imagine that, no gifts and I still like it! For some reason, the thought of getting together with family and friends is great. I didn't say family and friends are great, but getting together and eating with them is great. Let's face it, I don't care who you are, not everyone loves there family. I love mine, I just can't tolerate them most of the time. Yes, they are there for me 100%, (well, almost) but gosh, anyone who knows you as well as family is bound to use that against you eventually. And the gossip begins. Hey! Don't come back in the room yet, I was still talking about you! Yeah!!

Other than that, the food is excellent. That is one of the few days that you really can eat until you are literally sick and NO ONE CARES. You are not a pig, you are normal. But, eat like that any other time of year and you suck, man. You are such a cow. Okay, and this year, it is my daughters 2nd Birthday on Thanksgiving Day. Do you know how unfair that is for a child? Stick a candle in the ol' punkin pie and there you go! And believe me, that is what I am doing. Getting together with family is enough for that day, but to have a seperate birthday party on top of that? I am not crazy. Though some would beg to differ.

Okay, so here we go with shopping. The biggest shopping day of the year is coming up, on Friday to be exact. And where did that come from?? People just thought they would be smarties and name it "Black Friday"? How freggin' stupid!! I do not like to shop in crowds. I will be the first to admit that. I despise it! But, however, give me a bench in the middle of the mall for the afternoon and I LOVE IT! I love to watch these people thinking they are getting great deals on all their Christmas shopping...NOT. How stupid are they? There are no good deals...ever. No American with their head screwed on straight is going to cut anyone a deal. That is just how we are bred. It's dog eat dog. Like it or lump it. But another thing that cracks me up is to watch husbands. I've seen beaten, starving, frozen dogs that look happier than a shopping husband looks. How cruel is that? And to watch their wives drag them through the mall from one store to another, like ragdolls....WHERE are you backbones??? Stand up to her! Tell her, No dear I would rather be tied up in front of a firing squad. How hard is that?

I was humbled this year, just as I started my Christmas list. My Dad went to Guatemala on a missions trip. He came back with pictures, and man o' man, did that give me a wake up call. To see those kids, to see their homes, it is truly humbling. It hurt almost. To know that if kids want a gift and it is on their list, and they don't get it, they scream and cry and everyone sucks. But to see these kids in that country, they go daily without things. Without food, and toys and clothes....HOW SELFISH ARE WE?? Maybe we should start posting pictures of these kids on mall doors to keep the spending down on our spoiled rotten, never happy with anything kids. Just let them know that you are sending money or gifts to kids that appreciate things. Then RUN!!

Well, my thoughts today are a little scattered. But I have to say, in closing, that I am thinking of all my friends, you know who you are. I miss you, I miss talking to you daily, I miss seeing you, and I miss the fun we once had. Be safe.

Another Day...

Okay, so I am still VERY new to this, but eventually, I will be good at it, and even get bored with this, too. Today was a day that you never want to repeat, but then eventually, by the end of it, things were good. My morning started out okay, I got to sleep a little late ( We kept the kids up late last night watching Elf). But then as the morning went by, it got bad, and then worse. I won't go into the boring details of it, but Man o' Man, I just wished it would go away. Then dear hubby calls and says we've been invited to a church Thanksgiving meal. Sounds good, I thought. See, we've tried this church before. We have really liked it, but me and my insecurities, I say no when it comes to going back. So then finally, when we do get the courage to go back, I enjoy it until next Sunday rolls around and I say no, yet again. So, tonight, the meal was nice, a little over crowded, but it turned out real nice. I even got to find out some information about getting my son into a program that he can be watched during the services, which is a major PLUS in my book. It's not every day that you can just find people to want to watch a child with CP. People are scared of it, frankly. So, at the end of the day, I would have to say that I am glad it turned out good, and that I finally got the courage up to go. Kudos to me!!

This is our son, Chandler, he is 5 years old with Cerebral Palsy. His smile can capture a room, and his presence can melt you. He teaches me how to be a better person on a daily basis.

This is the light of my life. She is my twin, my match, and sometimes my headache. But she is my love. 

Another thought...

I saw some where on the internet the saying "Tea For One". How cool is that?? I would love to have tea for one. Not tea for myself and my 2 year old and 5 year old and all their favorite stuffed animals. Just tea for myself and no one else! I can't believe that anyone would EVER complain about being lonely. What is lonely? Lonely has to be for those few people in the world who have no kids, or drooling pets, or insane family members. Speaking of "how cool would that be"???..... Wouldn't it be the greatest thing in the world to go one day with tea for one, and not even have to tell anyone about it?