I'm sorry, girls...

I know I have been AWOL at PW lately. I have no good excuse. Other than the fact that I am feeling pretty down, and this has been a bad week. I have not felt good at all, and for no reason, it's not like I'm pregnant or anything. As a matter of fact, according to FF, I have not even ovulated yet...and I'm on CD 16. I have been at it with my Mom, well, not literally. I am just pissed at her, I have way too much going on to even start rambling on about. My son is having more trouble in school...they fed him a food for lunch on Thursday that he CANNOT eat, two doctors notes and a note from me evidently does not spell it out enough for the teachers. So I have been paying for that ever since Thursday. I am in such a rut that I can't seem to come out of, and it is really getting old.

I know we all have these weeks, and this sadly, is my week. I know I have let a lot of you down. I'm sorry. I am so, so , so happy for Chasity and Heather. Chasity, I hope you have a wonderful, uneventful 9 months, and Heather I hope you are carrying as many babies as you want, if it's just one, then let it be one, if you want 3 then here's to carrying 3 healthy babies to term.

I am almost to the point where I say I am ready to take a break from TTC. We have been hard at it for so long now, and I am tired. Just flat out tired. I called my insurance company the other day and they said I do have maternity coverage, as if I would ever get pregnant, but they do not cover any fertility treatment. As if I could ever afford that on my own. So with that said, I guess I can either pray that it happens, or I can just give up. And right now, I am in no position to make that decision. I remember a few weeks ago, someone on PW said they were feeling depressed, and I preached to them that she needed to be in the right frame of mind for when she does get pregnant....who am I to preach it if I am not in the frame of mind to bring a child into the world?? I know that when I see that pregnancy test, I will fall to peices, and be so overjoyed, but for now, while we are trying, I need to get my head right. It isn't fair to my husband or to my kids.

I hope this makes SOME sense, if not I apologize. I just wanted to let you know that I am okay, just in a rut. A funk....a nasty funk. But I am lurking on PW, just not doing a lot of posting.

Thanks for caring, it means so much to me.