My little one is sick...

Is there ever a time that you wish you could take all the pain away from you child? I'm there now. Gracie is sick...real sick. She was not herself at all yesterday while we were grocery shopping, and I simply thought she was just having a bad day. Well, by late evening, she was as hot as a fire cracker. She had a 101 temperature. She layed on the couch with Daddy and watched TV, and moaned. I felt terrible for the poor thing. She coughed all night, too. She is a night cougher, so mostly we just ignore that, but this was the kind of cough where you want to check on them every 5 minutes. So this morning, at 7 she woke up, feeling even hotter than she was and sure enough her fever had gone back up 102.7 this time. I was scared by then. And of course the handy dandy doctor doesn't open until 9, so we gave her Motrin and cartoons, that is a quick fixer upper. I got her in at 10:45 amidst all the snotty, whiny, creepy, sick kids. It turns out that Grace has been so healthy, for over a year now that she is terrified of the doctor. Like she wants to get away from anyone wearing the dreaded scrubs. And the verdict is....we are still waiting on x-rays results to come back to check for pneumonia. Yeah, I am freakin' out. And this is our "overly healthy child". The doctor says it's the viral type so it is contagious which is really bad news for Chandler. So he will probably, most likely get it. Believe me, if I had someone close by, he would be moving out for a few days, just to keep him from getting it. But unfortunately, I have no one. So I am still waiting on the phone call from the doctor to give me the results.

I guess in the middle of my crying and feeling so sad for my baby, I got a smile, and a big sigh of relief. When we took her to x-ray, the nurse asked if there was any remote chance of me being pregnant....I said, "yes, we are trying". Ahhh....I got it out. A stranger, I got to tell someone, and smile about it. It felt good. Then I was back to crying for Gracie.

I am feeling sorry for myself today, I know I shouldn't be, but I am. Maybe it's my way of feeling bad for Grace, but that doesn't make any sense does it? I just feel blah. I don't feel pregnant, and I don't feel aunt flo coming, I just don't feel anything. I told a girl on PW yesterday that I feel numb to this whole trying to conceive concept. It gets to the point where I want to be happy, and optimistic, but I fear being happy and optimistic because of the let down if I get my period. It's a battle of the wills, and the good side is loosing. And I don't really care. Maybe this is what I need to get pregnant, maybe I need to stop caring so much and just go with what happens. hahaha......that's me laughing my ass off at myself. As if I can just go with what happens. Oh well, enough of my whining for today. I hope everyone is good. I miss all my friends so much. I wish I could just have one big pajama party and invite all my friends, and eat as much chocolate as I want to and not worry about a school bus arriving at 6 in the morning, and not worry about how my face will break out and I'll have to up the medicated washes for that, and how much weight I'll gain, and how my heart will beat too fast, geez, I really am a worry wart. Anway, hugs to all my girls out there. I love you all. And frankly anyone who is still coming to this blog to read my daily rantings, you are four star friends in my book! Thank you for being so great!